Don't be so (double) negative!

When did it become trendy for fortune cookies not to have an actual fortune in them? Yes, they still have that miniature piece of paper with a phrase on them, but most of them aren't fortunes. Instead they dole out horoscope-esque advice (Taking a chance at work may pay off in the long run) or lame, generic compliments (You are a thoughtful friend).

Posted in my workspace is the best non-fortune fortune cookie I've ever opened. It's especially fun for someone who fancies himself a writer. It reads: "You are not illiterate."

Favorite public restroom notice

We aim to please. You aim, too, please.

To anyone who thought the first post was terrible

Agreed. But can you blame me for setting the bar low? It's called "managing expectations" and a key principle in my professional and personal life.

It's similar to my friend Paul's theory on dating, to wit: "Get the first fart out of the way as soon as possible, preferably on the first date. Once it's out there, things will be a lot easier. You'll both laugh about it. You've set the standard. You're not only cutting the cheese, you're cutting the tension. Then there's none of this holding back your gas for weeks and causing undue agony. Everybody farts, right? So why fake it?"

So there you go. I'm getting the fart out of the way early. Managing expectations. Keeping the bar set low ... and what have you.